This Little Pig Wanted To Roam

Yea, there are a lot of pictures in this particular post, but for this story I have to have visual aides. I don't want you thinking I make this stuff up! This evening everyone was gone and I was sitting home alone catching up on emails. I have a small tv sitting beside the computer that is used as a monitor so I can see if clients arrive when I'm doing bookwork in the mornings. It was still on and I happened to look over at it and...you know how you see something, but you can't believe you're seeing what you think you're seeing, so you look away and then back again? Well, I did that...a few times. And what I was seeing was still there. 2 pigs. 2 BIG pigs. And they were walking up our drive towards the house. Big pigs leave big messes, so I wanted them off our yard immediately. I run out there to shoo them back to the barn and I run straight back to the front stairs and call Jay because these 2 are boars. For those that aren't the knowledgeable experienced farm wife that I am (*snicker*) a boar is a pig that can still be a daddy. They are known for having major attitudes. You must be an adult to show them at the state fair. Chelsea showed one for the first time this last year and the exhibitor carries a small panel to protect themselves. The pigs walk around foaming at the mouth and I seriously didn't take a single breath until my baby girl was safely out of that arena. Anyhow... back to tonight... I told Jay 2 boars were out and I was fearing for my life. He laughed and said "Oh these two are really tame. Just put them in the horse arena for now. Austin & I are almost done golfing and then I'll be home." Ok, I took issue with this...Golfing is more important than saving my life? Guess that means the honeymoon is over huh? Ok, I knew I was on my own now, so I needed a weapon. I started to sing the Helen Reddy song "I am woman hear me roar" and I felt empowered. A metal long-handled sprinkler head should do the trick, so I grabbed the one you see pictured here. I shooed and sooeyed and said "here piggie pigge, lets go this way" and got them in the horse arena and locked the gate. WOOHOO! What a rush! I faced danger and I won!


Wait....where are the pigs?


Craaaap....they walked right under the lower panel in the arena and out the back side. I found them behind the horse trailer happily grunting away. "Alright pigs, you are starting to get on my nerves. Let's go already - back to the barn!" I used my sprinkler head/show stick and guided them towards the barn. It took me several tries of running back and forth yelling and swatting (hey, I know the visual of this is probably pretty funny, but this is no laughing matter!) Anyhow, after a few tries I did it...I got them to head right into the barn. They trip and stumble and knock more things over and head straight to their pen ~ then straight past their pen ~ straight into one of the empty horse stalls. Oh well, it'll work for now. I locked the stall and gave a little "naner-naner-boo-boo" to the pigs and turned around to see the mess they had made. Oh man, Jay is not going to be a happy camper when he sees this mess. I warn the pigs that they may want to go into the pigness protection program and of course that makes me giggle (sometimes I crack myself up) and I started to pick up some of the mess. I would have picked up the rest, but well, to be honest, my bladder was over-flowing and when you get over the age of forty and your bladder says it needs emptied, you do not ignore it. By the time I got back outside Jay was home and he asked where the pigs were. Wanting to sound like a big bag cop I said "I have the perps in lockdown". He gave me his usual "when did you get so wierd look" and so I said "In the empty horse stall." He got them moved back to the pen they were supposed to be in and relocked it, so hopefully they are done running around for now.