Green Acres: And Then We Had To Let Her Go

This morning was one of the hardest mornings I have ever gone through. It's not that I expected it to be easy, I knew it'd be tough. I just didn't realize HOW tough. We moved Ashley into her dorm room completely and at 9:30am, we said good-bye. It seemed so final and I hated it. I tried to be strong, but well yea...that didn't last and I cried enough to make Ashley laugh. And when she turned around, I saw she had tears in her eyes as well, and that made me cry even more. The only thing I can compare this to was when the twins were first born. They were in the NICU for 6 1/2 weeks before Chelsea was ready to come home. Ashley still wasn't healthy enough so she stayed another 10 days. I remember taking home Chelsea and the sadness I felt at leaving Ashley behind. This was sort of how I felt this morning. I had to leave her behind.

You spend 18 years trying to protect them. 18 years helping them through tough times. 18 years teaching them and praying they listen, and then...it's done. And it honestly just doesn't seem fair. I'm not ready, but it doesn't matter. She is. I know she is. She will do so awesome. Of that I have no doubt. Sure she is going to be nervous. Sure she will get scared. Sure she'll have doubts. The hardest part for me is to know I can't be there in person for her. She has to rely on herself and her faith. It did make me feel good when we were helping her unpack and I saw she had brought her bible along. I know that even though I won't be right there beside her, He will.

I'm taken back to when she was in 1st grade and went to a ladys house after school while I was coaching at the school. When I picked the kids up from her house, Ashley started to cry as soon as we got in the van. She raised up her pant leg and showed me a skinned up kneed with dried blood. She said she fell getting off the bus. When I asked why she didn't have the babysitter take care of it she looked at me with tears in her eyes and she said "Because I wanted you to take care of it. You always kiss it and make it better. You told me you'd always be there to make my owies better mommy, but you weren't there today." That ripped my heart right out of my chest and I put my notice in at the school the next day. After all that we went through trying to have children, I knew I wanted to be there for them and it made me so sad to feel she thought I had let her down. Some people have laughed at me because I am adamant that I am home when the kids would come home from school. I have always hated the thought of them coming home to an empty home. Now, don't get me wrong...I am not putting down those who must work and therefore can't be home. But, given the opportunity to be home when your kids get there, and doing that, is something I do believe in, no matter how old they get.

But now, I can't be there to kiss her owies away and that's hard to accept. It'll get easier, I know it will. But for today, I'll let myself cry and be sad and that's ok. I'm a sappy mom...it's allowed.

Here's pictures of Ashley setting up her new dorm room:

Lots to unpack and organize. Her roommate has already moved in most of her things.

We bought her an over the door shoe holder so she could put all her smaller misc stuff in there. She didn't think she'd like it, but she ended up excited over the extra storage space it gave her.

This is the outside of her closet (including the mirror w/attached

picture frames she bought) and what dorm room would be complete

without a pink fuzzy chair to sit in. LOL

This is Ashley's desk area. She and I were both laughing at how
her desk at home has never been this neat and organized. All done. Ashley is on the top bunk...and check it out...her bed is made!Did you notice the air conditioner? The dorm rooms don't have a/c, but if a student has a medical condition (like Ashley having asthma) and brings a note verifying that from their doctor, the school will put a window air conditioner in for them. We let Ashley know that her room will be one of the most popular rooms on hot days. LOL