Sunday, October 26, 2008

Never Send My 2 Guys Shopping

As you know I had a peel done this past Wednesday. Dummy me, I forgot to get groceries BEFORE I had it done, because I forgot how miserable and oh so sexy I am for a few days after the peel.

So, on Wednesday night, I did my best "Hoooonnnneeeeeeeeyyyy" voice to Jay and asked if he'd go to the grocery store for me. Bless his heart, he said that not only would he do that, but he'd take Austin along to get new jeans for him that he's been needing.

I was so excited! I wrote him up a list of about 20 things, which as we women know is a very short list when shopping for a family and a quick in-and-out for the grocery store. I was also kind and didn't add any feminine products to the list. However, according to the men in my family, they acted like I was sending them out for 6 carts full.

They got Austin his jeans with no problems, but then again he's pretty easy to shop for. The store he gets his jeans at is at one end of the mall. The boys department is right inside the door, and the jeans rack is about 8 steps to the right. He knows what size he wears, so all he has to do is grab the 2 pair he needs, walk about 30 feet to the cashier and voila...jean shopping is complete in less than 5 minutes.

Then they headed off to the grocery store. I am not even kidding when I say that I think they called me 15 times during the time they were at the store. Oh my gosh. They made it so difficult and I laughed harder and harder after each phone call. For example:

I asked for a bag of shredded lettuce:

"Mom, Dad wants to know if you want shredded lettuce or shredded cabbage?"
"What did I write on the list?"

~Silence from me~
"Dad, she wants lettuce."

I asked for a 5lb bag of red potatoes:

"Dear, do you realize there are like a hundred different kinds of potatoes at this store?"
"Yes, but how many different kinds of red potatoes in 5lb bags are there?"
"Never mind."

I asked for a box of unsweetened bite-size Shredded Wheat:

"Mom. Shredded Wheat comes in a bunch of different colored boxes. Which one do you want?"
"What? Read the boxes outloud."
"Rice Chex, Corn Chex, Wheat Chex..."
"Austin. Does the list say anything about Chex on it?"

~Silence on my end~
"Ok. So you want unsweetened. Right?"
"Big ones or little ones?"

"Oh wait. Yea, I see it. Dad grab the little bite-sized ones."

I swear people, every 3 minutes my phone rang. I was picturing them in the store and in my mind it was almost like an Abbot and Costello act. You'd think these two had never been in a grocery store before in their lives.

Then they get home and the fun continues....

I asked for bananas that still had some green on them, but the ones they brought home were completely yellow:

"Um, Austin, where's the green on the bananas?"
"Right there." *pointing to a green sticker
"I said green. Not green sticker"
"I thought that's what you meant."
"Why would you think that?"

"I figured you forgot to write the word sticker."

I find a Sara Lee Lemon Meringue pie in one of the bags.

"Pie? Where on the list did you see pie?"
"It's your fault we bought the pie."
"MY fault? How do you figure?"
"Well, if you'd ever make one, we wouldn't have to buy one."

Ok...hard to argue with that since I don't make pies - ever.


DEb said...

THIS WAS HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY oh WHY are men like that????? Can someone, ANYONE ...explain it??

Chel's Leaving a Legacy said...

OH Dena, I have missed reading your blog! And I'm so glad I got back to the fun before this post got too far under the pile...hilarious!

Green sticker on the bananas...priceless!

Becky said...

LOL! That is too funny... reminds me of those tv commercials where the guy has put a whole avacado in the blender to make guacamole... the punchline... "without us, men would starve" Poor guys LOL!

The Naths said...

That's too funny!! Luckily your brother is a bit smarter than that....although, I have learned that if I want eggs I actually have to write and underline a few times the word "Large" or I'll end up with medium. I mean, please! Who uses medium eggs? I don't think I have ever seen a recipe that calls for anything but large eggs. Then he'll buy hamburger in big packages, so I started writing 1lb packages and underlining 1 lb a few times. I find the underlining and writing really dark works. If I send him to the store, the list is like two pages because of my over-explaining of details of what I want and all the underlining. lol! But, if I don't underline and explain every detail, he just doesn't see words like large or that I need 3 of something etc...