Cooking is over-rated

I have tried over the years to make new and exciting things for my family and for friends. For some reason they NEVER turn out like they should. Here's the latest example of how all my hard work goes unnoticed and yet never praised...

Wednesday night I decided to make a cheese ball to take to my parents house for Thanksgiving. The recipe called for using a food processor. My mother always said "If you need something you don't have...improvise!" So, since I don't have a food processor, I decided to use my blender. Austin stood there silently watching...waiting for the fall we both silently knew was coming. He had an almost excited look on his face anticipating the explosion, melt-down, or whatever disaster was bound to happen. I read the recipe and gathered the ingredients. So far so good. I add the shredded cheese, philly cream cheese, and other ingredients, but the poor blender couldn't get it all mixed. It just mixed what was right there at the bottom. My mind was racing (must save face in front of my son or he'll tell his dad and I'll never hear the end of it). Then Austin gets the giggles and says "uh mom, do you smell something burning?" I then realized the poor blender was starting to smell hot! So, I shook it, as if that would somehow make it all better. It didn't. I just made a grinding noise that I translated into the blender cursing at me and telling me to not do that again. Austin is now laughing harder and telling me to stop shaking the poor blender. I ran over to the drawer and grabbed a rubber spatula to try to mix things up better. It didn't work very well, so while it was running I removed the lid and tried again. I didn't think I had gone THAT far down into the blender while mixing it up, but the poor spatula was the victim of a horrible attack by the blades. Rubber, cheese, and seasonings went flying...in the air, on the counter, in my hair and on my glasses. Austin is laughing so hard he can hardly breathe. I stand there trying to maintain my composure. I didn't want to admit defeat, but I did feel kind of bad for that poor spatula who had been laying quietly in the drawer this morning unaware of it's horrible future. So, I did the only thing that was right to do....I held up the mangled spatula and hummed "Taps" like I was a trumpet. Poor Austin went to the floor in tears as he was laughing so hard. Then I ceremoniously laid it in the trashcan and placed a papertowel over it.

I picked the cream cheese out of my hair, wiped down my glasses, the cabinets and counters and threw the smoking blender into the trash. I re-made the cheese log in a bowl with a spoon and vowed that in the future, I would buy cheese balls. I'm pretty sure I heard all my utensils and appliances give a sigh of relief.