Snap, Crackle & Pop

So, a couple of weeks ago I'm working out with my trainer and before we started I said "I must have slept wrong or something because I feel a pinching along my neck and shoulder and it's pretty sore, and my lower back is sore too". She said we'd see how things go (which to me meant, suck it up you big baby!). So I suffer through the pain and at one point I nearly dropped the heavy weight I was holding. Ok, ok, it was only a 10lb weight, but at the time it seemed much heavier. She said we'd only work on the opposite side and that supposedly it compensates and transfers some to the unused side. hhhmmm...cool. It made me wonder if somehow I could transfer some weight from the front around to the back to my butt. But, I digress....

I set up an appt with my Chiropractor, Dr. P and he asks if I have been in a car accident or fallen down a flight of stairs recently and I said "Nope". He says "Are you sure?" My thought was...ok doc, I may not be a brain surgeon, but I think I'd remember flipping head over heels down a flight of stairs. I honestly can't remember doing anything...no cartwheels, no sumo wrestling, no hanging from the ceiling fans and no wild romps with Jay (he's been in the field, so I haven't seen him in like forever!). He does the old "Snap, Crackle, Pop" on me and my lower left side doesn't want to stay in place so he does it again. All in all I was out 9 places. He asks me again, if I did anything traumatic (Oh yea doc, now I remember, I was shot out of a cannon...hellooooooo, I already said NO, let's move on). His prescription was ice and no exercise. The no exercise part I was ok with as it hurt to move, let alone workout. However, the ice was another story.

Think about what he is asking... I am to take a bag full of hard frozen water and place it on my body which is at 98 degrees. They always say it will make it feel better, but it never does. Oh sure, it eventually numbs it, but that doesn't mean it made it feel better...you just can't feel it. Being the good patient that I am, I go into the hot tub instead. Now THAT made me feel better.

I go back the next day and a few days later. Things are still not progressing like he'd like, so he says that if things still look this way at our next visit he wants to do x-rays. Oh great, now the pressure is on. I have to be extra careful this week so that I don't have to strip down and wear a paper gown in front of this man. It's bad enough that he sits behind me, lifts my shirt and has to look at my back fat, but in a horrible hospital gown he'll see my back fat and flabby butt! ACK! I do really good all week, being extra careful, but prepare for the worst...just in case. I shave my legs (all the way up...not just to the knees) and put on pretty underwear (none with holes in them) and cute socks with flowers on them. I even wore earrings and a bracelet. Not that they would make a difference, but I was trying to help dress up the gown. So, I sit on the short little seat, up goes the shirt (he's looking at my back fat again *groan*) and he announces that things are finally looking better, so he won't be doing x-rays "Whewww!"

His prescription is more ice "Oh yes Dr. P, I will do it (NOT)". He says no weights yet, but I can start back doing cardio. He said I can do the elliptical but not for longer than 30 min (oh darn, and I was hoping to go for a couple of hours at least) and I could walk on the treadmill but no running. At that point I gave him the deer in the headlights look and cocked my head to the side. Then I busted out laughing. I said "Ok, I am so sad that you said no running, because as you see I definitely have a runners body." Yea...running out of the house if it's on fire and that's about it.

While there I asked if he ever worked on animals. I didn't mean it kinky or weird or anything like that. I was genuinely serious. I had read on the internet that people are now taking their animals to animal chiropractors. I never knew there were such people. He said he hadn't, but he wished he had the time for the training for it, because it's a great concept just like for people. That brought up a whole new set of questions on my way back home....

How do you know if your cat needs an adjustment? Does it meow while holding it's back?
How do you know if your dog needs an adjustment? Is his tail off to one side?
How do you get a horse to lay on the table to get adjusted? On his back?
Does the dog actually lay face down with it's face in the hole and it's paws hanging over the side?
Is there a line as to what kinds of animals they will do? Will they do one of our pigs?
Do you charge by the size of the animal? Would a hamster be cheaper than a Great Dane?
When doing x-rays...do they wear a paper gown too?
What if your dog can't sit up and beg? How do you run the beeping thingy down it's back?
Do you charge extra if you get bit?
Do you charge extra if they poop on the floor?
If you adjust just right, will the dogs leg start moving faster faster?
What is the animal thinking when you adjust their neck? (hey doc we should go out and play fetch someti...*snap*...HEY! watch it buddy or I'll bite)
If you use the clicker, do dogs try to play tug-of-war with it?
How do the animals pay? Do chickens pay with eggs? Do dogs and cats give you treats?