TMI

Todays post is going to be a rant under the category of TMI (too much information) so if you are faint of heart, or male, head for the hills now. Go, leave, RUN! Do not stop for valuables, do not pass go, and do not collect $200.00.

As I stated quite some time ago, it's pretty common knowledge that in the cyber world, a womans monthly cycle is referred to as getting a visit from Auntie Flow or AF for short. Well AF is really being mean to me. She is visiting me again...for the 2nd time in the past 30 days. What kind of sick joke is this? It's bad enough to have to deal with it once a month, when it used to be once a year, but now twice?? That's just plain wrong!

I understand Eve ate the apple. I understand she needed to be punished, and personally I'm ok with it, because otherwise I'd be walking around naked and well, enough said about that.

While I am not perfect (I know...shocking, right!?!), what in the heck could I have done in the past month to deserve to have to deal with a visit from AF twice in 30 days? I mean come on! I could deal with it better if it weren't for all that goes along with her visit...

Bloating. Remember the weebles? "Weebles wobble but they don't fall down". When AF visits, we all feel like weebles. I can't stand those commercials when the lady is smiling and wearing her size 0 jeans talking about how "fat" she feels. Please, any REAL woman knows: Give me sweats and a heating pad and walk away...oh wait, bring me some chocolate first!


Then there's the cramping. Oh what fun that is. A thousand tiny men (no, it's no coincidence that I said "men") are stabbing you in the lower gut area. You try to stand up and WHAM, you are doubled over in pain. You find it easier to just crawl wherever you go. It makes it hard to push a shopping cart, but you make the sacrifice because you're out of chocolate.


And then you're boobs feel like they are the same size as this lady's, and they feel just as hard too! You cry at the thought of having to put on a bra and you swear it feels as if your bra has shrunk over night. You're grateful during the winter, because you can throw on a baggy sweatshirt to go along with your baggy sweat pants and no one will know the girls are hanging low while you eat chocolate.


But the one my family loves the most is the psycho mom that appears. The one that would make Sybill say "wow, you change personalities fast!" One minute you're playing a board game with your family and everyone is laughing. The next you realize you don't have enough money to buy the railroad of your dreams and the flood gates open as tears run down your face while your family sits there with the "here we go again" look on their faces. Then the unthinkable happens... someone moves their game piece and it bumps yours. GRAB THE RIOT GEAR! It gets ugly! You make any monster from any horror movie look like a sweet cuddly teddy bear! You're family sits in silence waiting for the tidal wave to pass, which of course it always does and your "normal" self returns, and you sit there smiling once again while saying "This is so much fun". Your family just passes you more chocolate.

Well, whatever I did to deserve this 2nd visit, I hope I had fun doing it, because I am paying for it now! I just need to figure out what it was so I can avoid doing it in the future. But that's going to have to wait....I need some chocolate!