The enemy within

Oh for the love of hot flashes....somebody please hose me down!

I had been getting occasional hot flashes a while back, but they seemed to stop. I of course got smug and figured that meant they were gone for good and scoffed the whiney women who complained how bad they were. A nuisance? Yes. Embarrassing? Sure. But horrible? Come on (insert rolled eyes here).

They have returned.

With a vengence.

And they are laughing at me and my smug self.

I sit here sweating. It is only 55 degrees outside. It is only 70 degrees in my house. I am wearing a light shirt and a pair of shorts. My hair is pulled up off my neck. I have a ceiling fan on high. As a matter of fact I have every ceiling fan on in our house. I also have a desk fan going. And for later tonight, I have another desk fan beside my side of the bed. There is no reason I should be sweating, but I am. My neck, face and back are sweaty. It's gross and just plain nasty. I don't mind sweating when I'm working outdoors on a hot day, or when I'm exercising. But when I'm watching tv or surfing the web, I should not work up a sweat as if I'm running a jackhammer in 100 degree heat.

It happened yesterday too when I was driving. I cranked up the a/c as high as it would go and my hair was blowing back so I looked like one of those women on the cover of a romance novel. Well, without the size 2 waist. And without the heaving cleavage. Or the long cinderella type gown. Or the seashore behind me. Or Fabio holding me. But my hair was blowing in the wind like theirs does.

While driving I kept reaching behind me and under my butt, touching my seat. I know the dealer never said my car had heated seats, but I'd swear they do. They felt totally hot. I was sweating down my back. You know that one little drop of sweat that slowly slides down your back and it annoys you? Well it was there...and it had buddies.

Oh, by the way, here's a little tip for you. If ever sit in your hot tub and a hot flash hits, give it up and get out. Don't think turning on the ceiling fan will help. Don't sit there waiting for it to pass either, because your face will end up feeling like this poor person. Just excuse yourself, grab your lemonade and your towel and go stand in an ice cold shower and then get changed. You'll save yourself a lot of grief.

So how long do I have to enjoy these delightful flashes anyhow? Will they be gone by November? My son will be playing basketball by then and gyms get hot enough as it is. Seriously, they need to be gone by then.