I Am Not Alone

The title says it all.

Have A Little Faith

FAITH: Pronunciation: \ˈfāth\

Function: noun

Etymology: Middle English feith, from Anglo-French feid, fei, from Latin fides; akin to Latin fidere to trust

Date: 13th century

1 a : belief and trust in and loyalty to God (2) : belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion b (1) : firm belief in something for which there is no proof (2) : complete trust


Complete trust - that's the one I have trouble with. It's hard for me to trust things which I have no control over. Well, not everything - for example...

I have no control over how diet coke is made, and I'm ok with that.

I have no control over the fact that there are no purple m&ms (the ones at Easter time don't count), and even though I think they'd be adorable, I'm ok with it.

I have control over over the tvs in our home, because I live with 2 guys and therefore am outnumbered (thanks again girls for growing up and moving out...sheesh). But I have given up trying, and I am ok with it.

But when it comes to things that really matter to me, that's when I have a problem. For example, today my Ashley is on a plane - well actually, she'll be on 3 planes on her way to Honolulu, Hawaii.

Ashley's boyfriend "L" of almost a year is a Marine and is currently doing desert training there. The poor guys are near the mouth of a volcano for many hours every day doing the training, so they can try to get used to enduring the incredible heat...can you imagine??

They just recently got word that they were going to get a 4 day break - Today, through Sunday. The only rules are they have to sleep on base, and they are not allowed to leave the island (even for day trips). He called Ashley right away and offered to pay her way to come down there, if she'd come spend that time with him.

He will have a 2 week leave in April, and he'll be back in Iowa for that, but obviously his family will have first rights to his time and attention, as it should be. So Ashley & L knew their time together would be limited on that trip. After that leave, he is leaving for Afghanistan for 18 mo.

They both agreed that these 4 days would be the only real alone time they would have together before he leaves, so they made the decision that she'd fly down there.

Some have said "Alone on a tropical island...asking for trouble!", but I know my daughter. She's a great girl with a good head on her shoulders, and wonderful morals and values to go along with that. Some have said "But they've only been going out a short time. They can't really be THAT serious." To them I say "Jay & I were engaged after 3 mo, and married within 10 mo, so yea, I do believe they can be serious in 10 months time."

One thing I know for sure is that I completely trust her.

What I don't trust is the airline pilots and the planes. Honestly, THAT is what I have the trust issues with. When you read lately about pilots falling asleep, and pilots surfing the web, and pilots doing drugs, I have major trust issues when they are dealing with "cargo" very precious to me!

Plus, I have severe panic attacks when it comes to the thought of flying, so I also have issues with the thought of the plane getting off the ground, flying properly, and landing safely.

Belief and trust in and loyalty to God - And because I have a hard time trusting those things, I pray, and I have belief that my prayers will be answered. Today I pray, and pray, and pray. I pray for each leg of her journey. Right now she is somewhere between Minneapolis and San Francisco, and I pray the mountains are bending down low....limbo low. Next I'll be praying that the waters between there and Hawaii are very calm today - no wind at all. Just blue sky and no clouds. I'll be praying for the same things when she flies back to Iowa on Monday.

Please dear Jesus, watch over the pilots and give them steady hands and sharp minds to guide the planes. Please protect Ashley from harm, and allow her to have the best time ever during her time with "L". I pray that they have the wonderful, memory creating, close time they are both praying for. May it be enough to sustain their hearts over the next few months until they can see each other again....and on into their extended time apart. Amen

Happy New Year!

Glory to God in highest heaven,
Who unto man His Son hath given;
While angels sing with tender mirth,
A glad new year to all the earth.
~Martin Luther

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One resolution I have made, and try always to keep, is this: To rise above the little things. ~John Burroughs

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We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives... not looking for flaws, but for potential. ~Ellen Goodman

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May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions. ~Joey Adams


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People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas. ~ Author Unknown


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My New Years Wish For All Of You


"For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11


I wish you all a blessed future full of hope in 2010.

Merry Christmas

I am going to take the next couple of days to spend with my family, and I pray you and your family has a wonderful blessed holiday.

The Nativity Story

Luke 2:1-38 And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed. (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor in Syria.) And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city. And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David.) To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.

And so it was, that while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered. And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling cloths, and laid him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them; and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not; for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.

And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger. and suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us.

And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger. And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child. And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds. But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart. And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them.

~~~~~~~Merry Christmas~~~~~~

If God Existed

My daughter Ashley posted this video on her Facebook page and I wanted to share it with anyone who reads this silly little blog of mine.....I hope it makes you think too.

Bring It All Together

I know this video is a couple of years old, but it is still one of my favorites. I love the joy and fun these two exceptional ladies have singing and praising God. You can't help but feel good watching it.







I love the chorus:

He's gonna take your pain
He's gonna take your doubt
He's gonna bring it all together, bring it all together
Gonna make you happy
He's gonna make you laugh out loud
He's gonna bring it all together
Bring it all together for good.

A Mothers Point Of View

The first time I saw Mel Gibsons "The Passion Of The Christ", Jay and I went to a theater and I cried so hard I was emotionally exhausted.

I knew the story. I knew what happened. I knew He was betrayed. I knew He was arrested. I knew He was beaten. I knew He was crucified, and I knew He rose again. I expected to see all of that and to feel sadness and joy for that.

What I didn't expect was to be so overwhelmed with empathy for Mary.

Every time they would show her, you see the pain in her eyes and I found myself stepping into her shoes (as best I could anyhow) and imagining what it had to have been like.

To see my son, my "baby" being hated would be bad enough, but to see him getting hit and spit on would feel like I myself were being punched in the stomach. To know this was "supposed" to happen wouldn't make it any easier to endure. That's your child. You have protected them from skinned knees and bruised elbows. While this is much worse, there is nothing you can do, though the desire is stronger than ever.

To stand there and endure watching the physical trauma and the emotional trauma....I don't know if I could have done it. Would I have rushed in and tried to protect him? Wouldn't that be the instinct of a mother? To drape your body over his? As he collapses in exhaustion, would I yell out for all to hear "ENOUGH!"

Did she ever yell in anger and frustration?

To the men doing this?

To God?

Yes, she knew this was to come to pass. But that couldn't have made it any easier or less heartbreaking.

I just don't know what I might have done.

If I would have been strong enough.

And to watch your son die and horrible death.

Did she ever wish she had not been the chosen one?

Did she wish HE had not been the chosen one?

Did she believe that she would see her son again?

Did she have doubts?

How deep must her anguish have been.

And yet, how happy her joy on Easter morning.

Were You There?

It's Not Only Ok To Brag -- It's Required Today

For some reason I had it in my head that Missy was hosting THIS tomorrow, but as I sat reading blogs this afternoon, I realized that it was indeed today. I have had mine written, just waiting to post it, uh tomorrow. Whoops! Oh well, better late than never, Grandma always said.

Also, since I know most of the moms bragging today will have young children, my kids would probably "just die" if they knew I was participating in this. I will probably have the oldest kids mentioned today, including 2 that are off to college and therefore don't even live with me anymore. Doesn't mean I can't be proud of them though, so I'm participating anyway. :)

There have only been 2 things in life I have ever wanted to do as far as a career goes: Professional dancer, and a Mom. When a back injury took away dream #1, my heart was engulfed by dream #2. I read all the parenting books, even though I found out later that kids haven't read those books, which means they rarely follow the script outlined in those books, so you still are clueless. I screwed up throughout the years. Oh me, oh my did I screw up. Big time. But what I kept noticing was that somehow, my kids were growing up to be pretty great people, in spite of my screwing up. Sure the teenage years have not resembled "The Brady Bunch", but that's ok. Jay wouldn't look great in a curly perm anyhow.


Ok, so here we go....let the bragging begin:

Ashley Marie - Idealist & Adventurer - 19 yr old college student

Ashley has always been our "glass half full" girl. In elementary school, she befriended the children who didn't have friends and always wanted to help others. When she was little she loved playing with baby dolls and declared that when she grew up she wanted to be a baby nurse and has never wavered from that. She is currently in college striving for a double major that includes nursing and spanish, and plans to be an OB nurse (baby nurse). She also loves adventure. She rides roller coasters (which NO ONE else in our family does) and is happiest when she has several things going on at once. She went on a class trip to Spain for 2 weeks and loved it, and since then, she loves to go anywhere, and I guarantee she will make sure it's a fun trip. With very little effort on her part, she will have you on the floor laughing. That was one of her many talents when younger, and she used it anytime she thought she might be in trouble. I can't remember how many times I'd say "Just because you have me cracking up right now, doesn't mean I'm not angry with you".


Chelsea Marie - Realist & Activist - 19 yr old college student

If you want something done 110%, ask Chelsea to do it. No matter if it's baking cookies for her boyfriend or showing apartments for her job, she gives it all she's got and you will not be disappointed. She is very down to earth and is most happy on the farm. She drives the biggest implements we have and loves helping with the pigs or her boyfriends cows. She loves all animals, and has been known to take a farm cat to the vet to be treated for who knows what ailment and we know nothing about it until we get the bill. When asked about it she simply says "it needed to be done, so I did it". She pulls no punches when it comes to what she believes in. She is passionate about animal welfare and toyed at one time with becoming an Animal Cop, but knew it would tear her heart up too much to see what those animals go through on a daily basis. Plus as she added "I just know I'd punch an owner, and I'm guessing that's not something I'm allowed to do". She also loves children and they love her. She is majoring in Early Childhood Education with plans to teach Kindergarten. I know she'll be awesome at it.

Austin Jay - 15yr old High School Freshman - Thoughtful & Insightful

Austin, as I have said before is quiet. He reminds me of my Grandpa Harry. Grandpa didn't say much, so you made sure you listened when he did say something. I believe that as an adult, Austin will be the same way. Now, on the flip-side to that, if you want to get him to talk just bring up sports or video games. He amazes me with his knowledge of these topics and there are times I'll say to him "How do you know this? And why do you know this?" He is a 4.0 student, who is fortunate to have good grades comes easy for him. He isn't part of the "in crowd" at school, because he's respectful and kind. He also doesn't drink, he doesn't smoke, he doesn't swear, and he doesn't look for trouble, which sadly are considered the "cool things" these days. The best part about that is, that's ok with him. He's secure enough in knowing how he wants to live that he doesn't care what others think. He is very competitive, but it's funny...when playing a video game with a young child, he will usually let that child win. But he does it in a way that isn't condescending. He is very modest and is uncomfortable accepting praise. Whether it's for school, sports, or his musical talents, he will blush, drop his head and say a quiet "thank you" when given a compliment. And no one could expect more from him than he expects from himself.


I feel beyond blessed when I think of the children the Lord has given to me. I am only wishing I had many more years before they were completely gone.

One Year Anniversary

Today is the one year anniversary of when Jesus called my Grandma Martha home at the wonderful age of 98 years young. While I am so happy for her that she is celebrating eternity in heaven, I have to say that the selfish part of me still misses her and her great sense of humor and her love for her family. She will forever be in my heart.

This is a picture of my sister Debi, my brother lance, me, and my sister Theresa with Grandma.

Laughter Cures All

After my post yesterday morning about how angry I was, I ended up having the best day from then on.


After my shower, I was determined to get in a better mood, so I cranked up my i-pod and the dogs and I did a mean re-creation of Mamma Mia's "Dancing Queen".


Then I got a phone call from my Sister-In-Law "Hey girl, what's going on? Is it me that you're mad at?"


Then my mother called "As long as it's not me you're mad at then that's OK".


An Aunt sent a text asking if I needed her help to inflict any bodily punishment, and she said to let her know if I changed my mind by saying "I got your back".


A few minutes later a friend called asking if she could help round up a posse to go on the hunt for whoever had upset me.


One friend said she had never seen me that angry before and wanted to know if there was a recording of it.


Then my mother-in-law called and wanted to know if she was one that I was mad at.


Another friend also stated she had never seen me that angry and would I be willing to reenact it. Oh, and was she one of the people I was angry with?


Then another Aunt sent a text message saying she couldn't stand it and wanted to know who I was angry with...and was it her?


By this time I was laughing so hard! Some of these people I hadn't seen or talked to in days, or weeks. Why in the world would I be mad at them? And why would they even think I was mad at them?


hhhmmm....a little guilty conscience syndrome going on perhaps? Time for true confessions?

I went into my office to check emails, and there taped above my computer screen was this picture of Trace Adkins (who DH knows I love). He is always teasing me saying that he thinks I love HIM, not just his music so he wrote next to the picture "Thought this might help you smile":

Taped to my bathroom vanity mirror, I found this:

On the lamp that sits on the nightstand on my side of the bed, I found this:

And on the dresser mirror, on the side nearest my stuff, I found this taped up:

I am married to such a goofball, but he knew it'd make me laugh, and he was right!

Within the next hour I had more phone calls and text messages from different friends and family members asking if they were the ones I was mad at, and it cracked me up!

Then I got the ridiculous giggles because I related it to maybe how Jesus felt when the disciples were with him and he was talking about one of them betraying him and they were all asking

"Is it I?"

"Am I the one?"

"Tell me Lord, is it I?"

I wonder if Jesus felt like I did and wanted to just say put his hands up and say "Guys, chill." Or in the KJV maybe it'd be more like "Men, be-est thou chilled."

Yea, probably not.

However, the image of Jesus standing there telling the guys to "chill" made me giggle even more, which helped my mood. By later in the afternoon I wasn't angry anymore and now I have decided that whenever I get really angry, I will just blog about it. Then people will all be flitting around asking:

"Is it I?"

"Am I the one?"

"Tell me Dena, Is it I?"

I'll put up my hands and say "Guys, chill."

And I know I'll be laughing again in no time.

ACK! Send Up The Prayers...QUICK!

The flu is going around our area really badly. I made the unfortunate choice to comment (just last night)about how lucky our family had been, because we haven't had the flu in our house so far at all this year.

This morning I woke Austin up to take a shower before church. He came out and said "Mom, can I go back to bed. I don't feel good and I'm really, really tired". Doesn't sound too severe, right?

That's how several of his basketball team members have started out right before it went into full-fledged flu symtpoms that have lasted a few days.

The reason we are in a panic is that tonight Austin is supposed to be in his Show Choir/Jazz Band show at his school. He really enjoys this and has worked so hard (along with everyone else) to get ready for the show tonight, and it'd be such a shame if he ended up having to miss it.

I am asking for anyone reading this to please take a moment and send up a quick prayer. He can be sick for the next week if he has to be, just not tonight!! :(

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Update: Thanks so much for the prayers here and by email...they appear to be working! Praise God! Austin slept until around lunchtime and while he said he feels better he says he just feels exhausted and still has slight headache. He hasn't eaten much, and has laid on the couch since he got up. I asked what he thought about tonight and he said he is definitely going.

My Children Are My Teachers

As you know we live on a farm. In a lot of ways, we are very sheltered here. We have basically no crime to speak of, and no major crime at all.

I have to be honest and say I was very concerned when we took Ashley to visit the small private college she ended up going to. It's not in the nicest part of town. As you are driving, there are a lot of buildings with window boarded up. Graffiti can be seen in some places, and much of the housing is for lower incomes, so sadly, they aren't in the best conditions.

I kept thinking "Oh dear Lord, please do NOT let her select this college". Of course, she fell in love with that college and honestly, so did we. I was so impressed when we talked to the head of the Campus Security dept and heard all they do to make sure the campus is safe (so safe they have had no major crimes (rape or murder) in the history of the school.

Then we took Chelsea to the school she chose and I had similar reservations. She looked like the "all american" teenage girl. Jeans, sweatshirt, ponytail bobbing along as she walked....right past a guy that I wondered had ever been on America's Most Wanted. He was huge, had long stringy greasy hair. Tattoos covered almost all of him except his face, which had been reserved for many piercings. He wore all black and his pants had chains all over them. His eyes looked so cold. I leaned over to Jay and said "Can we consider home schooling them for college?"

My biggest fear with my girls is how naive and trusting they are. That's fine when you live at home with mom and dad and we live in an area where most never lock their doors at night. Not when you live in a large city. Add given the fact that they are 5'3" and 5'4" and both weigh around 100lbs soaking wet, and yea, momma worries and prays...and worries and prays some more.

On the first week of class Chelsea started talking every day with a girl who was 29. She had been in and out of relationships and had 2 children with different fathers. She had tattoos and she smoked heavily. Her hair was dyed black with hot pink streaks in it. She cursed and spit. Oh, and her parents kicked her out of their house and kept her kids because they caught her smoking pot in their basement. My first thought was to shake Chelsea and say "What are you thinking even talking to this girl?" But Chelsea said "Mom, she looks so sad. No one else in the class will sit by her. No one talks to her and I even feel bad between classes when she's standing outside smoking, because she's all alone. She just looks like she needs someone to be nice to her."

Ashley talks about the "Texas boys" at her college. They are football players that followed their high school coach up here when he took over the college coaching job. These are true inner-city kids. Ashley said they dress, talk and act in the "gangsta" style. They try to act all tough and rude. She said that she and 2 friends were in the lounge watching something on the tv when several of these guys sat down in the lounge to join them. They ended up sitting there for hours together talking, laughing and getting to know each other. They were as amazed to hear about her farm life as she was to hear about their inner-city lives. She found it hysterical that they thought she was more brave than them because she actually got in pens with pigs. LOL

We went to a basketball game at her college and a group of them were there. Yes, they had the baggy jeans on. Yes they had the huge t-shirts and all the silver chains I think their necks could hold. They had their hats with the flat brims on backwards, and they all sauntered and strutted into the gym silently and making eye contact with no one. They sat 4 rows ahead of us and it turned out to be the most fun game I have ever been to. They made comments through out the whole game (for example one girl lost her temper during the game and the guys went down the line saying "She ain't got no self-control" using different voices [think munchkins]). It was just one thing after another, nothing was ever said in a mean or offensive way, but it was all so very funny. They were there having a great time and we enjoyed it so much. When the dancers would perform during time-outs, they always gave them a standing ovation when they were done and they'd hollar out the girls' names and cheered for them.

We had to leave before the game was over (to make it to our next game) and one of the guys said "hey you're not leavin' are ya?" Jay explained we were there to watch our daughter and showed which one she was and this guy hollared out "Hey Ashley, your mamma and daddy are leavin'. You really should come give them a hug girl."

To say Ashley turned 3 shades of red is an understatement!

On the way home I felt a headache coming on, so I laid my seat back and closed my eyes. While laying there, I thought about the game. About how I felt tense when I saw them come into the gym. Was it because they looked so different from me? Because they dressed different? Talked different? Acted different? Was it because of the perception given on tv that all who live in big cities are gang members with hearts full of evil?

Then I thought of Ashley, who was naive and trusting. She didn't think twice of sitting there (3 girls with 10 large men) talking, laughing and sharing her life with these strangers that night. How by being so naive and trusting she was able to see past their image they are trying to portray and see that they are great guys.

I then thought about Chelsea. Being naive and trusting allowed her to open her heart to a lost young woman and show her kindness and compassion when no one else would.

Then I thought about Jesus and all those he befriended regardless of what others thought. And also about what he has said is expected of us. The whole "Do unto others" kept running around in my head.

Today, my children were my teachers.