Wednesday, September 26, 2007

What?? I'm old???

My sister informed me this morning that she can't believe I'm "that" old. What? Who? Me? How old is "that old? So that got me to I old? Let's see....

My hair was a gorgeous shade of blonde growing up. It still is. Ok, so Loreal #9 helps me out a little. Details, details.

My brain is as sharp as ever. Just because I walk into a room and forget what I came in there for does not mean I'm getting old, it means I have too much on my mind.

My eyes are the same as when I was younger. Oh sure, back then I had to wear my glasses just for reading and now I wear them all the time, but's more convenient to have them on anyhow, so that's a bonus in my book.

My ears, I'm sure are the same. Just because there are occasions when I say "huh?" or "what?" doesn't mean that all those KISS, Bon Jovi or ZZ Top albums I listened to really loud have bothered my hearing at all. Besides, most people today just mumble anyhow. Who can be expected hear that?

My arms were weak back then and still are. I try lifting weights, but they just don't get any stronger. I've learned to live with it, so that's nothing new.

My boobs are still there. Well, in the general vicinity anyhow. Of course they use to be up higher and stand firmer and point due west and now they point straight south, but that's just because they know how much I hate cold weather and they are showing me the direction for me to go to warmer weather when winter comes. Oh sure there are negligees I have had to throw out because the girls just will not stay in them anymore, but that's because they probably have better taste than I do and they just don't like anything I have chosen. I'm sure that's it.

My stomach...ok, I admit my tummy maybe has changed a tiny bit, but hey I've had 3 kids. Ok so it hangs down more now and the stretch marks that I call my "road maps" have expanded from 2 lane highways to look like 8 lane superhighways, but I'm sure it was like that when I was in my 20s.

My butt I admit has disappeared. If anyone finds it please call 1-800-my-booty. I really woud like it back so that my poor children aren't constantly embarrassed by having a mama who's jeans sag in the back. I don't know exactly when that happened, but again, I'm sure it was when I was in my 20's.

My legs still look as awesome as ever. They might jiggle a little more, but isn't jiggling what men like? Huh? what do you mean, not on thighs?

My feet are still there and they are fine. Yes my arches have fallen and now I have to wear good supportive shoes and special inserts, but that's because my feet are lazy, not because I'm old.

Ok, inventory complete. I'm thinking I look like a goddess...a young, sexy vibrant goddess. Not old, not even getting close!

You know after looking at that, I bet my girls can't wait to get older knowing they have all this beauty and sexiness to look forward to. I think I'll go leave them a message on their cell phones!

Now, where did I put my glasses? Huh? What did you say? Quit mumbling and speak up!

1 comment:

Steve, Debi, Brennan, & Nate said...

OH my goodness -- I'm laughing so hard! What are you doing? Paying me back for all those times I made you laugh when you were in the hospital on bedrest????? LOL