Unanswered Prayers

Back in high school I took dancing lessons. I wanted that to be my career as I got older. I had no desire to teach, I wanted to perform. When on the stage dancing, any cares or insecurities I had disappeared. This was something I was good at and I felt good doing it.

I was going to go to college for dance in the Fall after high school graduation. But I had the opportunity to attend a summer school dance program and decided it might help me later, so off I went to Colorado Springs for 8 weeks. I only lasted 4 1/2. One morning while doing our daily 4 hr workout, I heard something "pop" in my lower back and I was in extreme pain. It turned out that I basically had a birth defect gone wrong. I was born with a couple of things broken in my back, but due to my injury those areas were irritated and grinding against each other. Then I heard the worst words possible: "Dancing professionally is not in your future. You're back can't take it."

I was devastated. Dancing was ALL I knew how to do, and more importantly it was ALL I wanted to do. I flew back home and sunk into a deep depression. I got a job and seemed to "wander" aimlessly through life. I had no goals, no other dreams, no other desires but to dance and now that was gone.

I got very angry with God. Dancing was all I knew. Why would he let that be taken away from me? "Please God...Allow a miracle to occur so I can dance again". Each time I would see dancers on tv all I could think was "That could have been me" and I'd get more depressed.

Time passed and I changed jobs. Still not content and still with no direction. Then I met Jay and he accepted me for who I am - flaws and all. I honestly didn't feel I deserved him since I couldn't be a professional (yea, I know how messed up that sounds), so I actually remember telling him anything bad about me I could think of...every single thing. Including taking extra cookies as a child when I was told not to. He just laughed at me and said those are what made me who I am today.

We got married and through lots of prayer, tears, and medical intervention, we were finally blessed with being pregnant. Being a wife and mother is a joy I have never gotten tired of. Sure it's hard. Sure there are days when I think to myself "And I wanted to do this....why?" Sure there are struggles and battles. But I wouldn't change it for anything in the world.

There are times I think back to my days of praying to dance. What if God had answered that prayer? What if my back had miraculously healed? If I had never had that injury, I would have gone on to college and then on to join a dance company. If that had happened, I wouldn't have met the man who accepted me and all my twisted flaws. I would have never been blessed to know these 3 amazing children that grew inside me. It's a good thing God knows what's best for us, even when at the time, we may not agree.

At times like this I think of the song "Unanswered Prayers" by Garth Brooks:
Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when youre talkin' to the Man upstairs
That just because He doesnt answer, doesnt mean He don't care
Some of Gods greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.