Daughter For Rent?

I was going to put "Daughter for hire?" but knew that wouldn't come out sounding right. Plus can you imagine all the oddly confused traffic I would get from those doing google searches for something completely different than what they'd find here. Yikes!

I am in desperate need of a daughter that I can borrow on a daily basis. Just for a few hours. I'm willing to pay. The only requirement is that she must be willing to visit with me. To talk to me and to let me talk to her. That's it. Nothing more.

Oh sure, if she'd like to do an occasional shopping outing or cookie baking session, I won't be totally against it, but mostly I just need another girl in this house.

I have never lived in a house where testosterone ruled and girls were outnumbered. Even at home growing up there were 3 daughters and only 1 son.

This being the only girl in a house with 2 guys is just rough! How do you women with only sons do it?

I'm not into constant topics relating to all things sports, so I'm left out of most conversations. Don't get me wrong, Jay does talk to me, but some days I think his brain is off in another dimension and he has the head nod down pat, so he doesn't really have to listen at all. I know when I talk about things like fabric patterns and the funny thing I read on so-and-so's blog I see his eyes glaze over, which tells me I've lost him.

When I ask his opinion on something, he says "I don't care. Either one is fine." Ask a woman and she'll go into all the pros and cons of each choice and together you will decide what to do.

I miss hearing the pros and cons. I want the pros and cons. I NEED the pros and cons.

Monday night we had a nasty blizzard going on. I had an especially rough day with my back/shoulders/neck all going in and out of spasms. On Monday afternoon Jay drove me to the grocery store and helped get a few things with me since I wasn't feeling great. We talked on the way down and on the way home. I loved it. I guess he felt he met his quota for talking time.

But not me. I enjoyed that. I wanted more.

Monday night I got changed to sit in our hot tub. It's out in the sunroom which has become "Mans Domain". The PS2 is out there. The Wii is out there. The Poker table is out there. My little bistro table that I had out there, that looks so cute in the room, is shoved over in a corner. Oh and just tonight I was informed the bistro table will have to go out of the room soon to make room for the golf net they want to put out there.

ummmm...What? Golf Net? In my sunroom? When did it become a sports arena?

But, because testosterone outnumbers estrogen...I lose.

Anyhow, back to the hot tub...

I sit in there to hopefully get the spasms to stop. But I'm bored, so I try to talk to Jay and Austin who are in a heated game of basketball on PS2. It wasn't that they were ignoring me, they just didn't pay attention to me because they were "in the zone", or so I was informed.

I started to sing "Sure would be nice to have someone to join meeeeeeee" "That way I wouldn't have to be all aloneeeeeeeee" over and over. It didn't help.

Finally Jay gets up and leaves the room. Austin tells me he went to take a shower. That tells me that my hints and singing got through to him. Yippee! He's going to join me and we can talk while in the tub. I am excited so I wait.

And I wait.

And I wait.

45 minutes go by.

I knew something was up because he has never taken a 45 min shower. So I start texting him non-stop.

"hellooooooooooooo"

"i'm waitingggggggggg"

"do you need cpr?"'

"it's my money and I want it now! Call JG Wentworth and associates"

"yoooooohooooooooo"

"should I call 911?"

"do you need the difibrolator?"

"want me to yodel for you?"

"annie, annie are you alright?"

"have you fallen and can't get up?"

"if you lost a leg you can still work at I-hop"

"If you've been hurt in an accident, our lawyers may be able to help you get compensation"


No response. Not one. hhhmmmm. I got my pruney body out of the tub and grabbed my robe. I go through the kitchen and there sits my husband watching ESPN on tv in our living room.

He claims he never heard his phone beep saying he had a message. I was like "Uh, I sent you something like 57 of them!"

Proof that I need my daughters back home again. They liked to talk with me. But they want a better life and being the over achievers they are, they chose college over living here sponging off us, so now I'm looking to rent a daughter for just a couple hours a day.

Any offers?